AS I TAKE TIME TO REFLECT ON THE JOURNEY WE CALL LIFE, I AM FACED WITH REALIZING THE CHOICES I MADE THAT SO DEEPLY DESTROYED MYSELF AND MY CHILDREN.
HOWEVER WITH GODS ABUNDANT GRACE HE HAS RESTORED ME.
WHEN I REFLECT ON MY YEARS OF MINISTRY AND SERVICE IT BREAKS MY HEART TO KNOW MANY WILL ONLY REMEMBER ME AND THE CHOICES I MADE DURING MY DARKEST PLACE.
I HAVE SO OFTEN THOUGHT ABOUT HOW I WENT DOWN THAT ROAD AND THE ANSWER IS SIMPLE.
I ALLOWED SIN TO TAKE PLACE IN MY HEART AND LET IT GROW.
HOW DID I GET UP AND BEGIN TO TRUST IN GOD AGAIN? THAT IS THE NOT SO SIMPLE PART.
WHEN I WALKED AWAY FROM ALL I KNEW I WALKED AWAY FROM GOD. I WANTED TO BLAME GOD FOR ALL THAT HAD HAPPENED BUT QUITE HONESTLY EVERYTHING I WENT THROUGH, EVERY PAIN I ENDURED WAS ALL FROM CHOICES THAT I MADE.
THROUGH OUT MY LIFE I DEALT WITH PAIN AND DISAPPOINTMENT AS WE ALL HAVE BUT I JUST KEPT ALLOWING IT TO TAKE HOLD IN MY HEART.
I HAD NO SELF WORTH. THE IMAGE I SAW OF MYSELF WAS SO FLAWED, BROKEN AND WORTHLESS.
YES, EVEN IN MY LOWEST PART I COULD AT TIMES FEEL GODS LOVE WRAPPING HIS ARMS AROUND ME REMINDING ME THAT I COULD JUST COME HOME.
HOWEVER, MY STUBBORN PRIDE KEPT ME IN A LIFESTYLE I HATED. I WAS SO BROKEN AND ALONE YET I STILL WOULD NOT SURRENDER.
MY PRIDE KEPT ME FROM RUNNING TO THE FATHER. HE WAS ALWAYS THERE WAITING FOR ME, LONGING TO RESTORE ME. HE LOVED ME SO MUCH THAT HE NEVER LET ME GO. THAT’S THE KIND OF GOD WE SERVE HE STILL HOLDS US AND LOVES US EVEN WHEN WE TURN AWAY. HE IS ALWAYS READY TO PULL US UP AND WIPE OFF THE DIRT. HE LONGS TO RESTORE US. WE JUST DON’T ALWAYS ALLOW HIM TO.
EVEN WHEN I ALLOWED HIM TO BEGIN TO RESTORE ME, I STILL HAD THINGS HOLDING ME BACK. AFTER A LONG BATTLE BOTH MENTALLY AND EMOTIONALLY I MADE A DECISION THAT HURT ALL OF MY CHILDREN. THE ONE THING IN LIFE I NEVER WANTED TO DO WAS TO CAUSE MY CHILDREN ANY HURT OR PAIN. I HAD TO LAY THAT AT THE FEET OF JESUS.
I CAN NEVER CHANGE MISTAKES I HAVE MADE. I CAN NOT GO BACK IN TIME. ALL I CAN DO IS PRESS FORWARD TOWARD THE GOAL AND CALLING GOD HAS ON MY LIFE.
THE THINGS I HAVE LEARNED DURING THIS DARK PLACE IS
- GODS GRACE COVERS A MULTITUDE OF SIN
- HE LOVES US EVEN WHEN WE ARE NOT LOVEABLE
- HE HOLD US EVEN WHEN WE DON’T REALIZE HE IS
- HIS LOVE IS MORE THAN ENOUGH
- HIS FORGIVENESS DOESN’T COME WITH STRINGS
- WHEN HE HEALS YOUR BROKENESS ITS COMPLETE
- AFTER MUCH PAIN AND SORROW COMES JOY
- YOU HAVE TO LEARN TO FORGIVE YOUR MISTAKES AND CHANGE
- YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT HIS FORGIVENESS
- YOU HAVE TO REALIZE HE NEVER CHANGES HIS MIND ABOUT YOUR CALLING
- HE LOVES YOU
- HE WILL LEAVE THE 99 BECAUSE YES YOU ARE THAT IMPORTANT TO HIM
- HE ALWAYS HAS A PLAN AND A PURPOSE FOR OUR LIFE
- HE CALLS YOU REDEEEMED
- EVEN IF YOU FALL YOU DON’T STAY THERE
GOD IS WRITING A NEW CHAPTER IN MY BOOK. I KNOW MY HEART IS WHOLE. I KNOW HE LOVES ME. I KNOW HE IS GUIDING ME. I KNOW THAT NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS IN MY LIFE HE WILL NEVER LET ME GO. HE WILL NOT FAIL OR DISAPPOINT ME. GODS LOVE FOR ME IS MORE THAT I CAN EVEN IMAGINE.
PSALMS 107
1 Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever.
2 Let the redeemed of the LORD tell their story— those he redeemed from the hand of the foe,
3 those he gathered from the lands, from east and west, from north and south.
4 Some wandered in desert wastelands, finding no way to a city where they could settle.
5 They were hungry and thirsty, and their lives ebbed away.
6 Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress
